silvermyst_ashke's Xanga

Monday, May 02, 2005

Mon, 02 May 2005 03:59:06 GMT

*bump*

apparently quite a few of you don't know I've moved.

I've split silvermyst_ashke into two.

uncunninglinguist now contains all my rants raves and reviews and points of view.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 11:33:59 GMT

I've come to realise that the reason I closed the posting of this blog down was because the two sides of me needed to have a meeting.

I had begun this just for my friends, but I soon found out that with blogging, the whole world reads in. Particularly on xanga.

I enjoyed the fact people read me, that I wasn't such a freak and that there were people out there who actually thought like me, and I enjoyed reading people who weren't like me. Different thoughts, different points of view.

And then I realised my private face and my public persona were heading for a head on collision. I couldn't blog about stuff that was too personal, but at the same time, I still felt like the blog was, in some way, still personal.

Perhaps, looking back, that was the reason why I hated those blogging competitions so much. All the times I was nominated, all the times I told people not to. Or if it had already happened, to tell that I didn't want them to vote for me.

In all honesty, I should have. This is afterall, a public blog. And it's not like people aren't going to find this blog anyway. But I still feel like a little bit of me, my inner me, is in this blog. And that perhaps, though my content won't change, I need a new platform, where I know from the outset that I am writing for the masses and not just myself and 5 friends.

And this time, I won't be so adverse to people reading my blogs, people commenting, and people writing me fan mail on what is essentially what I consider to be a repository of daily random thoughts.

At the same time, I realise that my "attitude girl" attitude still hasn't changed. And although I now understand and can and will play by the rules of the game, I still won't respond to people just because they respond to me. RaNDoM Pr0pZ HiT mE BaK! still shits me EVERY SINGLE TIME.

and on xanga, sometimes, I feel it is etiquette here to respond, even if someone says something as meaningless as "wow, beri kool site" and I have to go there and say "hey, glad you liked it." (your site is shite and your grammar is appalling)

That said, each and everyone of you to whom I have subscribed to, I have subscribed to for a reason. The only similarity between many of you is simply this: I like your writings.

and I guess for that to happen, here we go.

http://www.uncunninglinguist.blogspot.com

I will still respond should you write in or comment, but only if I a) have the time b) want to. This is not an insult to any of you, and is in fact a sign of respect. That I don't feel pressured to, but I will be.

and in the meantime, I'll still be commenting in xanga and posting occassional articles as promised.

Love you guys heaps.

silvermyst

uncunninglinguist@gmail.com

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 23:21:31 GMT

GOING UNDERGROUND

will come up occasionally for air.

(and frequently for comments)

Thanks for everything guys.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 08:42:10 GMT

I WAS ON TOP OF THE WORLD!!!

photos from switzerland

well, not on top of the WORLD.

Just Europe.

Those white things in the distance AREN'T mountains

they're CLOUDS.

well maybe not anymore

friggin hollywood lawyers. I'm friggin innocently trying to watch my rented dvd and it WON'T PLAY because you morons decided to do something at macrovision and microsoft has agreed. argargargargarg. now because of YOU, I am having to download some rolled back version of nvidia and it's costing me 12.3MB. And I have a download quota!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 22:49:02 GMT

Feeling: extremely gloomy bear-ish

When I went back to Singapore over the new year, something changed within me. Perhaps it was laying old demons to rest, past regrets. Or the stark realisation that I’m going to have to finally knuckle down and actually get serious. People think I'm serious now. HA.

Much as I hate to admit it, I am for all my westernised outlook, a traditionalist at heart. Or in some aspects anyway.

And it is in this respect that I realise I have 6 months left. 6 months of being a student before the real big bad world swoops down and I’m swept away in suits, court shoes, immaculate coifs, tax returns that can’t actually be filled in by myself, job hunting, (eventual) marriage and baby milling plans.

The only plus point is that I don’t actually have to juggle bills anymore since I’ll be living with my parents. Convincing them that you can actually use telephones to do so is an entirely different matter.

and all this seems shallow in comparison when I realise that maybe, just maybe, it may be up to ME. irresponsible, crazy, stubborn, me, to run the family. To bring home the bacon AND cook it, to do the bills, to settle the tax,, to ask for help.

I realise the free spirit in me is slowly having the life strangled out of it by the crushing Singaporean system designed to produce tomorrow’s merchant bankers.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 11:22:43 GMT

Of Onions

As we grow older, we change. That's a given.

We realise there's a value to the little pieces of paper people hand over in exchange for other, more desirable stuff. We later realise that $1 isn't really such a big deal. We realise that we can't trust everything in this world.

We realise that everything doesn't come in

black and white.

And as we re-read books, re-watch movies, we gain insight that we never saw when we read and watched it first.

Because we have changed.

But paradoxically, deep down inside, we know we're the same person. The same little kid. Afterall, we change because things happened to us and we reacted.

And as we move forward in life, the kid gets ever more tightly cocooned in life's lessons - good and bad. Wrapped layer upon layer upon layer.

Until we all start to resemble onions.

And it's why when I catch up with people I've known since I was six, and we've watched each other grow up, and we say "you haven't changed at all"

We know we have. We've grown older, there are worry lines on our brows, we've loved and lost, we've all tasted setbacks, we've all been used and abused, we're warier, wearier. Our standards have gotten higher and higher, yet our unrealistic expectations weighted down with the sandbags of life. Those little pieces of paper mean a whole lot more nowadays.

This causes cancer, that causes alzheimers, and everyday items are a conspiracy.

But when we say "you haven't changed at all", it's just that we see the inner kid under the gossamer layers. And the inner kid smiles, just to be acknowledged. That it's there. And sometimes, the inner kid emerges. Full of colour and humour and guileless charm. Out to play. Just for a little while. Before it goes home, safely ensconed in its cocoon.

The same kid running in the rain, trying to catch raindrops on the tip of its tongue.

http://www.chasemeladies.blogspot.com

has me laughing till my stomach hurts.

I just realised I haven't linked her up. weird.

http://www.sarongpartygirl.blogspot.com

DUH.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Fri, 14 Jan 2005 05:35:36 GMT

THE RELATIONSHIP POSTS #2

and

Photos from Switzerland

I hate the annoying habit people have of calling their other halves "dear dear"

eeeek. EEEEK. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK.

and how husbands call their wives "Mummy" and wives call their hubbies "Daddy"

EWWWWWWWWW

and of course "Ah ge" or "kor kor" (slang words for older brother)

doesn't the connotation of incest *ever* cross these people's minds?

Photos from Switzerland

"Flurry"

The original

The technicolour

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Thu, 13 Jan 2005 12:45:34 GMT

Photos from Switzerland

here's a tester.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Wed, 12 Jan 2005 10:57:24 GMT

THE RELATIONSHIP POSTS #1

OK, apparently I am dumb. I still don't understand how you can be a part of UN but not its distributaries though.

Onions, doors, and delibitating masses that morph over time into dense little balls that make their presence felt when the occasion rises.

Here's the explanation.

Of Doors

Escaping from the torrential downpour Blur and I walked into the cafe, out of the steamy humidity into the dry but cold interior.

"What have you been doing this past year babe?" I asked.

"Last I heard you had deferred your army in an attempt to fly back to Australia to save your relationship"

He smiled wryly, "it didn't work out"

and that's where it all started.

as we spoke, we talked about LKY's devious eugenics and how it all ended up with girls being clucky while guys were just getting on their feet. And how sometimes, the time just passes you by.

If any of you have seen the movie Before Sunset or Tempting Heart, you'll see how time can simply pass you by, and it can never return to the way it used to be.

Sometimes, it's because someone who was great for you then is not great for you now, because you found someone in between, and that someone has brought your views of love to a while new level. No longer are you satisfied with what you once knew, your expectations have been raised.

Sometimes, it's literally pure bad luck, bad timing and circumstances that stand in the way. And when you meet again, things simply aren't the same. The moment has passed and you can never get it back again.

And sometimes, it's the door in your heart. Or the many doors in your heart.

Many Singaporean guys will have experienced a breakup while in the army, and more while they get out and go back into uni while their girlfriends have started working.

Girlfriends in uni meet so many new people versus their boyfriends locked up for a week in a military island.

Many girlfriends get clucky, want to settle down. For them, they're getting older and need to meet someone start a family. For the guys, they've just started university. Everything is just beginning.

and we were talking about how when that breakup happens due to the circumstances, in many cases, the girls have shut the door on the guys, because it doesn't fit in with their life plans.

The guys, because they aren't there yet, still leave a door open for the girls.

But we moved on and spoke about all the other doors. And how the path to the inner sanctum of our hearts is paved with doors. Okay, that's just plain ungrammatical. The doors are along the way to the inner sanctum of our hearts. You have to cross each threshold to get there. and while to let each person in is a long ardous process, keeping them out is often final. And sometimes, it throws them back many doors, and sometimes only one...where other doors still remain open. And sometimes, there is more than one door to a room.

and since relationships are all about letting someone in more and more, it was like gradually letting them in through each threshold one by one. Like some Chinese mansion.

And I realise that perhaps, this year, I really should let go, and let more people in.

Listening to: Lamb- Gorecki

Monday, January 10, 2005

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 11:50:27 GMT

I have 6 months till I graduate. I was looking around for job vacancies.

I was looking through charity and care organisations. I looked into the UN.

I have since found out Singapore ISN'T in the UN. But we're in the Security Council.

I mean, if our human rights record is so bad, then why is China allowed in? Yes, on a review basis, but what about Afghanistan? or Malaysia? Or even Australia for that matter? (So it can't be our human rights record)

Can someone explain this to me?

feeling: confused and dumb